I’ve written a lot over the years about the challenges of parenthood and teaching and the World We Find Ourselves In. There are a lot of things to be proud of — increased tolerance (I hate that word, as it implies there’s something “wrong” with what we’re “tolerating” but aren’t we just being so good about not letting it bother us), so no, increased awareness of things like sexuality, gender identity, reproductive freedom, racism, the impact of climate change. But we have so far to go, and we can’t get there by shaming people or posting on facebook or talking to people in our own little bubbles.
I believe that resistance to change comes from fear. But change is inevitable; in fact, it’s the only thing we can count on. So how do we deal with the fear? One person’s sexuality, gender identity, race, doesn’t really have anything to do with our own, so why do so many people fear these differences? Does it represent an actual bad experience? An imagined bad experience? Do our tribal/reptilian brains fear the “other” and then allow those irrational fears to control our thoughts, emotions and decisions? Are men “afraid” of gay men because they fear being raped? Because they question their own sexuality and have been raised to believe it’s “wrong”? Are racist whites afraid of POC because they perceive an inherent threat? Is this perception of a threat based on an awareness of how poorly we have treated POC historically and we fear retribution? Because we believe them to be fundamentally-different-and-therefore-flawed?
We are all different, and yet all the same.
And I can follow up these tough questions with the toughest question of all — what do we do about it?
After the shootings at MSU last week I saw one person write on Twitter “LOL of course it’s a black” (as if a high majority of mass shootings aren’t perpetrated by white men, and as if this isn’t possibly one of the most insensitive things someone can say right after three beautiful promising young people were murdered in cold blood); someone else saying they “hate” Gretchen Whitmer, because she “politicized” the event almost immediately. But these events ARE political — who we vote for affects every aspect of our lives. Clean water and air; a ready and safe food supply; affordable health care, mental health care and prescriptions; preserving our climate and planet for the sake of the continued survival of not just our species but many; an education that provides not only information but the ability and sense of responsibility to interpret and apply that information; reproductive health and freedom; common sense gun laws — these are all available to us, or not, according to who we vote for. This is a blessing, in its way, and when the potential impact of our vote is not respected by the voters themselves, a curse. If we group everyone into “other” — “the” GOP, “the” radical left — we lose a crucial opportunity to recognize the potential power not just for positive change, but of our shared humanity.
There’s a lot of concern about our young people today. They’re socially maladjusted after years of lockdown; they’re addicted to their phones yet isolated while being “told” they’re the most connected generation ever; they’re unfocused and unmotivated in their classes. Again, we’re generalizing, as there are certainly a great many focused and motivated young people trying very hard to interact healthfully, to make the world a better place, and resentful of being lumped into categories that portray them as lazy, misanthropes, “less.” They’re also living in a world where they have every reason to fear being shot in their classrooms, or the outcome of living on a dying planet, with people in charge who aren’t willing to take these threats seriously. I mean really, can we blame them?
I’ve been looking around even more than usual in the past week (as I mentioned in the previous post I live in Lansing; Husband teaches at MSU, Only Daughter is a senior there) trying to figure out what can be done about all this. We seem to have decided as a society that it’s acceptable to let the planet melt, our children to be hunted, to live in fear every time we’re at a concert, parade, sporting event, school. I’m trying to be mindful of my relief over my loved ones being spared in last week’s shooting paired with my mourning for the families of those killed (here and elsewhere, as the madness continues) and guilt over any feeling of relief or happiness. I can strive to be open, grateful, empathetic, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. I need to do something.
A friend today suggested I go to law school and go into politics. I scoffed. I’m 58, and not sure I’m willing to give up what I’d have to give up to be a student again, nor that I have what it takes to be a politician.
I can’t help but wonder if lawmakers were made to sit in a room and view images of everyone dead from gun violence in the last year, perhaps paired with images of them after their shooting, whether that might not wake them up. Can anything change if the people making the decisions are unable to generate empathy for something they have never experienced directly? Why can’t these people generate empathy for something they’ve never experienced directly? Isn’t that one of the better uses of our imaginations? They say the images of the body bags changed the political will to stay in Vietnam. Did people resist COVID vaccines because we were prevented from seeing images of what was going on in the hospitals when it was at its worst? Can senators and representatives who have not had the personal experience of having their loved ones hunted maybe at least try to imagine what this feels like? Will we actually make the changes we need to make to save this planet before it’s too late? Once everyone is displaced, food production is threatened, our cities are under water, IT’S TOO LATE. Can we act without fear? Can we even act with it? It seems not.
I keep writing while I try to think of something to give me a sense of hope. This could take a while….
Last week’s shooter at MSU had a misdemeanor gun conviction yet was able to buy guns legally. His father was worried about his mental health and his neighbors had reported him for shooting a gun out the back door of his house. Police came to investigate, apparently, but did nothing. How many of these events are caused by fear of law enforcement and/or inadequate mental health care? (Or a combination of the two.) Inadequate training of law enforcement? (Don’t even get my started on Brianna Taylor, Tyre Nichols, George Floyd…) Why can someone with a record of violating gun laws buy another gun? Why is someone’s right to own weapons (state run militia indeed) more important than our right to live, much less to live without fear of these random killings? When is enough enough?
This is the world we’re in. But it doesn’t have to be. These are all things that can be changed. And yes, these problems, and their solutions, are political. Perhaps we could start by:
- Getting ridiculous amounts of money out of politics, and/or have better laws against lying in political ads;
- Prioritizing education
- which includes:
- educating our children on the complicated history as our country, including slavery and everything reprehensible about racism that came after;
- expecting them to learn skills of socialization and civility;
- having our students read books that challenge their preconceptions and force difficult conversations, always in an age-appropriate manner;
- adequately paying and supporting our teachers rather than succumbing to the latest screaming-parent-masked-as-a-school-board-meeting scenario, etc., etc.),
- which includes:
- Enacting common-sense gun laws, including removing the ban on suing gunmakers for the damage they do and re-ratifying a ban on assault style weapons — if you want to shoot an AR15, join the military.
- Committing to an investment in training our law enforcement personnel to be servants of their community rather than combatants at arms.
Maybe the world would have a chance. Or at least a start at one.
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