Archive for the 'Fugly stuff' Category

13
May
18

My eyes!

uglyshirt 1uglyshirt 2

No, please, just, no.

Also, why?

 

15
Oct
15

what’s wrong with this picture?

Ann Taylor Loft

Marisa fit — for women who are shaped like women

“Perfect fit if hips are proportionate to your waist.”

Sigh.

atloft%22skinny%22pants

I can’t even look at them. It hurts my eyes.

11
Mar
13

what is this man thinking?

tight pants

a) That’s funny — they fit me 16 years ago.

b) I can’t feel my _ _ _ _ _

c) C a n ‘ t .  .   .    .     .      .       b    r     e       a         t          h           e   .      .        .          .         😵

04
Dec
12

the gift for the man who has everything

men'skneeboots

Well, except for a pair of front-laced, hard-sole knee-hi boots.

 

27
Feb
12

pandering post-Oscar post; Updated

Okay, first of all, I was really curious as to why I had 51 hits in one hour last night when the usual hourly rate is more around 10-20. Then I discovered that J-Lo apparently had a wardrobe malfunction, and I had a post about J-Lo from a couple New Years Eve’s ago. Really? This is all you have to do? Look for a picture of J-Lo’s nipple? I’m betting it looks pretty much like anybody else’s.

Sheesh.

ANYway. . .

…I have just wasted 30 minutes I can’t get back looking at pictures from the Red Carpet “ceremony” (seriously? it’s a ceremony now?) so I thought I would waste a few more commenting on them.

But first a question. How much Botox is too much? The bottom half of Billy Crystal’s face looked 60+, but his forehead NEVER moved. Weird.

For the sake of fairness/disclosure, all of the photos below (unless otherwise noted) were taken from theenvelope.latimes.com.

20120227-105343.jpg
41 going on 60. If she gets any thinner she’s going to look 160.

In her pre-skeleton days she used to be beautiful.

I just don’t get it. Why does this repeatedly happen, where there seems to be no such thing as “thin enough”?

Speaking of skeletons. . .

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We all want to know, Angelina. What was up with the leg? Did you lose a bet or something?

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How does one write a choking sound?

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The top of this gown is at LEAST two sizes too big.

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Santa!

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Um, polka dots? Um, no.

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Is it just me, or does he actually LOOK like Puss in Boots?

20120227-111128.jpg
Stand up girl! You’re at the Oscars!

20120227-111300.jpg
“Princess Charlene and Prince Albert”
Who?

Enough of the ridiculous, now for the “Stunning”:

20120227-110323.jpg

20120227-110339.jpg

20120227-110433.jpg

20120227-110513.jpg

20120227-110615.jpg

(I am a little curious about the back.)

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24
Feb
12

which is scarier?

The model, the model’s haircut, or the outfit?

20120224-131240.jpg

02
Jan
12

is this giving up?

20120102-094919.jpg

The pajama jean.

And these look better/are more flattering than sweat pants because?

Sheesh.

19
Nov
11

Two Questions

1.  Is this decoration stupid or whimsical? Inquiring minds want to know.

2.  Have you ever seen an uglier outfit?

Seems like, if they want you to knit it, it ought not to make the model look like a block of wood.

Just sayin’.

31
Oct
11

heard, at dinner, Halloween 2011

Only Daughter: So Willow Smith is famous and like totally shouldn’t be because she’s only 10 and wears really stupid clothes.

Me: Well, why do you suppose she’s famous?

OD: Her brother, Jaden, was in that Karate movie.

Me: Oh, so that’s Will Smith’s daughter. She’s famous because her parents are famous, and are apparently willing to allow her to make a spectacle of herself to exploit the publicity opportunities.

OD: Yeah, but she’s famous.

Me: There are better, more important things than being famous.

OD: Like money?

I’m so proud.

(When I harumphed, she said, “candy?”)(It is Halloween after all, and she did give me her [lone, miniature] Babe Ruth and [lone, but super size] Butterfinger. Such a good girl.)

In a related story, what’s up with this hairdo?

This has to fall under the “you don’t have to do it just because you can” category.

Sheesh.

19
Sep
11

the latest fashions

Nowhere on the internets has a selection of absolutely hideous pants quite like shopbop.

I don’t know how they do it.

Here’s a snippet. (You might want to shield your eyes.)

Oh, it burns.

I like to go there every once in a while just so I can feel better about the crap hanging in my closet.

They seem to hit about 50/50 on the dresses, alternating between average, stunning, and whatweretheythinking?

To whit, and which I rank:

Quite stunning           Beautiful                   To-ga To-ga,                    Ugh. . .                  Hmmm. . .maybe?

I can’t help but wonder if they’re actually trying to sell clothes, or just posting random styles for our confusion and/or amusement.

Then there’s the maternity clothes page, modeled by a) women who are clearly not pregnant and b) badly misshapen men.

And let’s not forget anorexia corner the swimwear.

Now I’m just sad.

 

08
Aug
11

week 3, and after

Wrapping up camp:

Conductor, in rehearsal, when the orchestra plays for another .25 seconds after the soprano cuts off her last note: “Never outsing the soprano. O. My. Lord.”

What is wrong with the algorithm at theweatherchannel.com that lists the day’s current temperature, i.e. 91˚, and the projected high at 86˚. Is there NOONE there who notices this and decides that perhaps the projected high should be projected higher?

And a question for all of you parents out there: Which is more stressful, being away from home for 3 weeks when you’ve left the house empty, or being away from home for 3 weeks when you’ve left the house in the “care” of the 18-year old?

***************

I had completed all of my camp responsibilities by noon Saturday, so husband and I went into Traverse City to act like tourists. We had a delicious lunch at Amical, and then did a little shopping. At first we may have upset the balance of the universe when husband bought two pairs of shoes and I didn’t buy any, but I did have some fun taking pictures.

I call this the “Embarrassed” sandal. It knows it’s hideous, but it must sit on its shelf, in plain view, for all to see. It doesn’t even have hands to hide behind.

I call this the “Beautiful” sandal. I would like them in brown, as shown, and black, 8 1/2 W. Sigh.

I call this “The Why Shoe.” I believe the title is self-explanatory.

These are just beautiful. I would consider selling one of my children for them — a deal at any price, but yours for a mere $545 plus tax and shipping/handling. First Son only has one year left of college, and I would include his college fund balance as long as it’s actually paid to his college; Second Son may have just hit a car in a mall parking lot, but it only did $500 worth of damage, which he (or I) will take full financial responsibility for, and he has been let go from his summer job 3 weeks early, but I suspect that, rather than this being a direct fault of his, his manager is an asshole and had an opportunity to hire someone for the fall and took it. Only Daughter is not yet a teenager, so she is still, as they say in the Master Card commercials, priceless, and therefore, not (yet) available for purchase. It is, as they say, only a matter of time.

[In a kind-of related story, related to the cowboy boots, that is, we watched Brokeback Mountain last night — neither husband nor I had seen it yet — and we both think they did a good job with a story that could have become campy or self-conscious. I do wish Heath Ledger could have mumbled a little bit more articulatively, but there’s nothing wrong with a good lookin’ man in jeans and cowboy boots.

To whit:

(Despite the fact that Husband posed for this photo, and he does actually know I have a tendency to “use” just about anything for my blog, he may insist that I take this photo down, so I hope many of you get to see it while it’s still here.)]

Anyway, back to Saturday.

When we were done at the shoe store, we investigated one of the galleries along Front Street.

This floating coffee table was kind of cool,

I thought it looked like it would maybe bounce a little, but I didn’t actually try.

I also liked these wood cuttings (sorry about the quality of the photos; I wasn’t sure how the woman in charge would feel about me taking pictures of stuff with my iPhone, so I was trying to be both quick AND surreptitious.)

I was NOT so crazy about the coffee table manufactured from the tailgate of a Ford pickup,

I’m not sure what this painting? collage? source of non-drug-induced freaky dreams?was called, so I called it Scary Alien Art.

I assume someone’s buying these, as there were at least a dozen on the walls, and the artist was featured, but really, really, thankyoubutno.

*************

Now we’re home; laundry’s done, I’m about to make my second cappuccino of the morning, and it’s time to return to reality. I must say, three weeks living in a cabin make air conditioning, floors that can actually get clean, and a washer and dryer within the residence feel like real luxury. It’s probably good to lower that bar every year or so.

23
Jun
11

Reed Krakoff

Just read this article about this new “designer” and his newest project.

Here’s a slide show of his newest collection.

IMHO: The clothes are boxy, shapeless, and unappealing. It’s quite clear that his years at Coach have directly influenced his artistic aesthetic, and I can’t help but think he’d be better off sticking to designing utilitarian handbags rather than clothes. He’s apparently quite enamored of his wife, a “gamine French” woman, but I can’t imagine that even she would look good in these outfits.

Some questions for Mr. Krakoff:

Is the point of the gray sheer blouse just that we be grateful for the pockets?

As opposed to this:

Now I’ll be the first to admit that she does have firm, beautiful breasts, and I’m not such a cretin that I don’t understand that fashion is supposed to be as much about “art” as it is about “clothes,”  but aren’t you also supposed to be able to actually wear the clothes without getting arrested?

And what’s up with the blacksmith’s apron?

All she needs is one of those masks.

And how about these for pure fashion hideousness?

It’s a box, it’s a paper-towel tube, it’s _____________________!

These clothes don’t even fit her. The shirt looks like something cut for a 10-year old, the pants fit awkwardly across her “hips,” and the length, especially paired with the clod-hopper shoes, just doesn’t work.  What Mr. Krakoff doesn’t seem to realize is that if the clothes look this bad on a model, noone’s going to buy them, unless, maybe they feel they have something to prove.

I can’t find prices on the website, so I have no idea what Mr. Krakoff is charging for these beauties, but I’m sure I could find a Catholic-school uniform shirt at a Kmart, and a pair of my son’s outgrown dress pants in my basement and let you have them for, say, $150. Is it a deal?

And is there maybe an elusive yet compelling aesthetic reason that the model be generally unattractive AND bowlegged? Just wondering.

15
Jun
11

stupid art

Except I don’t see “themes of the human condition, humor, warmth or poignancy”. To me it’s just stupid. And ugly. Stupid and ugly.

I can kind of talk myself into “getting” this one,

if it’s only supposed to represent a “hedgehog in blankets.” But for some inexplicable reason it seems to be part of an exhibition entitled “Disagreeable People.” So is the hedgehog hiding from disagreeable people? or is the hedgehog supposed to represent “people” who are disagreeable, and who should therefore do society the service of hiding themselves from sight and the need for the rest of us to interact with them?

And what’s this supposed to be/mean? Must be some kind of shortcoming on my part. I just don’t get it.

This next one is called “Headthinker,” and was apparently part of an exhibit about what actually happens when we’re sleeping and/or dreaming. It’s not clear whether the “sculpture” was created for this event, or if it was adopted for its use after the fact. In any case, I can’t really figure out what Ms. Ford is trying to say. That thinking makes us tired? That thinking turns us into asses?

It just seems stupid to me. And ugly. Stupid and ugly, ugly and stupid.

Maybe it’s just me.

01
May
11

shopping with g

Went to the big Macy’s Friends and Family sale with husband today to help him buy jeans that don’t look like they were made in the 1980s. It was quite successful overall: he came home with two pairs of flat-front dockers and two very nice pairs of jeans, dark, acid-wash, nicely fitted. He also bought two shirts, one which looks a little like something Kramer would wear and which will NOT be tucked in.

Also bought second son a Guess plether jacket for his upcoming 18th birthday — marked down from $194 to $67, with nice zippers and perforated styling without looking like it’s trying too hard.

****

I only bought myself necessities at the Clinique counter, which I then got to carry around the store in a brilliant pink gift-with-purchase beach/tote bag. Perfectly appropriate as a beach/tote bag; not so much as a purse, but what can you do?

*****

Seen on a Dockers sign: Fits like jeans. Feels like manhood. Cool. Just one question: What does it mean?

*****

Despite my husband’s shopping success, there were several trying minutes waiting outside the men’s dressing room. Not, btw, the one with the nice chairs and other women waiting for their husbands/sons who can commiserate about shopping with men and show me how to send a photo as a text on my iPhone; rather, one tucked behind a register, surrounded by tables for sorting and rack upon rack of hideous flourescent pastel madras stripe Ralph Lauren Tommy Hilfiger hideousness. I’m sorry, did I write hideous twice?

Behold.

In case I wasn’t being clear, these are for MEN. I actually lined the three up to show husband, in case he comes shopping sometime without me, no, no and no.

Sheesh.

Seems like if they’re charging $89 a shirt they at least ought to have decent taste.

27
Mar
11

and the winner is:

Got this random catalog in the mail yesterday, and was flipping through when I encountered a 2-page spread displaying these treasures:

Having a hard time deciding which are the most hideous, so have decided to open it up to a vote. Click on individual pictures if you want to get a closer look, but if you have a weak stomach, I suggest shielding your eyes.

Extra credit to who among you can identify the pair fitting my husband’s description: “Achilles was wearing those when he killed Hector.”

25
Mar
11

beauty and the beast

Here is an example of everything that is good and “holy” in the world of shoes:

These, on the other hand, are evil incarnate: Well, maybe that’s overstating it a bit, but they certainly should not be allowed.

Of course, that’s just my opinion.

10
Oct
10

Versace II

I don’t get it.

I don’t get this either.

Maybe it’s just me.

This, on the other hand, makes perfect sense.

19
Sep
10

Out with the old, in with the new

Kate Gosselin has a new body.

I suppose we should be happy for her, but I can’t help but wonder what she did with the old one? Is it in a dumpster somewhere? I guess at least there’s the “fact” that she got it through jogging instead of through those gol-darn cosmetic surgery procedures everybody keeps talking about.  Not sure why we care though, but apparently we do.

In the process of looking for the cover, I discovered this challenging question: Who wears the look better?

I would venture to say neither, and that dress needs to be taken off of the racks immediately. Not sure “none of the above” was one of the options though. I like how they’ve spliced these two pictures together to give us the illusion that they’re holding hands and smiling about this sartorial nightmare — haven’t we all been in high school and been mortified when someone else shows up wearing the exact same thing? Even worse if what we’re wearing is hideous. Remember the old adage: two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

12
Sep
10

Shopbop

It doesn’t matter if you stand with one leg bent and the other hip out to the side. The pants are all still ugly. Don’t even get me started on the shoes.

Is anyone buying this stuff? Is anyone wearing it?

How about these? Can it get any worse? 

Click here if you want to see more.

05
May
10

A Note to Shoes.com

You offer 10 pages of size 8 1/2 thong sandals.

This makes me very sad. Is this really necessary?

But please allow me to continue.

You allow me to sort by the following criteria:

size

width

color

price range

But you do not allow me to limit the selection to those which are not unspeakably ugly, such as:

This wastes my time and your server space. Please do something about this.

Also, you cannot in good conscience charge $59 for these, even with free shipping.

Perhaps someone made a mistake?

23
Apr
10

Ugly Shoes

These are just unspeakably ugly.

What are these designers thinking?

These might kick shoe-design a@# (I can’t decide: I like them, then I really don’t, then I do, then I don’t), but just looking at the picture makes my back hurt:

And is this picture about the shoes? or about her legs?

And what about these?

Words fail me. This never happens.

12
Mar
10

Fat!?

I wish everyone would stop picking on Jessica Simpson for being fat. Yes, she’s gained some weight, no, she doesn’t look like the stick-shaped ideal held by everyone in the entertainment industry (and apparently practically everyone else). But she just looks like a woman, and not that badly-shaped of one at that. Before she looked like Barbie, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Of course, she’s dumb as a sack of hair, and we’d all be grateful if she could just find a way to keep that to herself.

Kristie Alley, on the other hand, is fat. But rather than make fun of her, I feel sorry for her. Obviously there are some serious emotional issues involved, and she has to have them all played out in front of everyone.

I, on the other other hand, am free to gain and lose and gain and lose the same 20 lbs over and over again, and hardly anyone even seems to notice. (Except probably for my bff’s husband Paul, but he’s usually nice enough not to say anything. My grandma used to feel inclined to comment on such things, but she died a few years ago, and it’s really hard to find that kind of honesty in anyone else.)

In any case, let’s stop picking on the fat girls, and talk about things that really matter, like health care reform, what to do about terrorism and violence in countries around the world, and what Anne Hathaway was thinking when she decided to wear this.




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