The Why’s and Wherefore’s

Husband often asks me, when I’m about to initiate a difficult conversation, say, (or maybe even an argument,) with someone, if I have first figured out what I hope to accomplish. I guess that understanding this is perhaps a worthy goal for just about everything we do in a day.

Have been trying to figure this out myself, since three days ago when I decided that I really wanted to start a second blog. Why not just post these thoughts in the blog I already have?

I do actually hope that some of my current blog followers will follow this one as well. (Hint-hint-nudge-nudge-wink-wink)

But I want this one to be different.

So back to the question, worded in a slightly different way: Why bother?

What, exactly, does this thing I’m about to do (fill in the blank) accomplish . . . and I would complete that sentence . . .  that will help fulfill my personal/emotional/spiritual goals as a person with a short time on this planet and a whole lot of life I’d like to live?

And here’s what, why, how, at least, as best I can explain it:

I (like to) believe we’re all searching for what I, for lack of a better term, will call Enlightenment. To live, laugh, love, better and more fully; to find Happiness, by which I mean the inner state that has nothing to do with the outer circumstances, but which resides deep within, burning like an ember; maybe to do one thing every day that feels like we Made a Difference.

(It’s funny, but it reminds me of the conversation I had with Husband the other day about that tattoo I’m trying to talk myself into/out of getting: Chinese characters that say “Live the moment.” But then I thought, and said, “But what if the moment sucks?”)


I want to try to post one thing each day for a year that helps toward this goal: to live, laugh, love, better and more fully; to find Happiness, that inner state that has nothing to do with outer circumstances; to do one thing every day that Made a Difference. It might be something I read, something I observed, something I did or said or that someone did or said to me. Every single one of them could probably fit under the category I call “Grace.” Some of it might be obvious (Duh!), some hopefully insightful, some somewhere in between. Maybe you’ll have heard it before, maybe it will remind you of something that you would like to share. There won’t be the same type of political commentary, or feminist “propaganda,” or making fun of advertising. Well, unless they contribute toward my quest for enlightenment. Who knows, maybe I’ll find that it’s not necessary, or not getting read, and abandon it entirely. I suppose I could start a separate category, but for some inexplicable reason, I want it to be separate.

Maybe it’s silly to think we can find Enlightenment at all — it is the ongoing quest of some of whom I already consider to be the most enlightened people I know — but maybe we’ll all feel better knowing that we’re looking together.

The new blog can be found at: notaguruatall.wordpress.com. I’m going to post this same post as my “introduction,” well, except for this paragraph — that would be weird — so please read on. After this, I will not duplicate.

Hope to see you there.

8 Responses to “The Why’s and Wherefore’s”

    • March 13, 2013 at 8:32 am

      I can’t make cookies, remember? Or maybe that was a facebook post — now I can’t remember. Something about spending the day reading feminist manifestos and then totally failing at an attempt to make chocolate chip cookies and wondering if that was ironic.

  1. March 13, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Hmmmm…while being 100% supportive of your second blog idea, I have to admit that I’m somewhat daunted by its philosophic and positive perspective. I’m neither naturally positive nor naturally thoughtful, so I’ll be reading the enlightenment blog, but I suspect I may not be a big contributor to the quest. I’ve more-or-less given up on the search for happiness.

    • March 14, 2013 at 7:08 pm

      This makes me very sad, oldblack, although I’m not sure I completely believe it. You relish a good cup of coffee, you’re happy when your knee allows you to run, you’re proud of your children. Maybe it’s more a difference of how we define “happiness.”

      I’m never striving to be one of those people I call “pathologically happy” — always smiling, always cheerful, never a care in the world. Not only is that not me, I don’t actually think it’s possible, and the people who seem to carry it off I either feel sorry for them because they clearly feel the need to “fake it” or don’t trust them at all.

      More about contentment, confidence, faith in myself and the ability to live comfortably in my own skin. I actually think you have that, but maybe don’t believe you deserve it.

      I wish you didn’t live on the other side of the world. I’d like to know you in person. And I think maybe you might need a hug. Or hugs.

      • March 16, 2013 at 5:19 am

        I guess what I was trying to say was that I had given up on trying to be what I might call ‘existentially happy’, which is what I think you’re wanting to focus your new blog on. I’m certainly not confident, don’t have faith in myself, and my contentment is mostly only achieved when I successfully shut myself off from the world for a while. Of course, I can’t achieve this for very long periods, and reality inevitably breaks in, and that momentary contentment is banished to memory and replaced with a doubt that it ever existed.

        Thanks for the hug offer. I actually believe that you’re the sort of person who would make good on such a suggestion if I was within hugging distance, although my recent experience has indicated: (a) I’m not a good judge of people, (b) it’s better – safer – to keep more distant in every respect.

        • March 16, 2013 at 10:11 am

          Hmmmmmm. Now I feel even more that you need a hug, although I suppose you can get one from L, or Diskmeliadorn, although I wonder if this is part of your “gestalt,” or maybe not.

          It seems to me that life has beat you up a bit, and maybe, for external or existential reasons, more than it has beat up most of us. I read your accounting of Mothering Day, though, and envision a satisfying day surrounded by people you care deeply about, and who care about you. (Plus there was tiramisu!)

          I am interested by what you listed as explanations for your lack of “existential happiness”: confidence, faith in yourself, feeling that being most contented when alone indicates that there’s something wrong with you. I guess the first two might be relevant, but I think there is an equally acceptable argument for being “fueled” by solitude as much as by society. And while not being a good judge of people might give rise to being cautious about who to trust, I’m sad that you would keep distance in every respect. Every? (And yes, if I could make it there and back in a day, I would come and give you a hug, so I guess you’re not completely off, at least not about me. But you have had a long time to get to know me, so maybe that helps. 🙂

          • March 16, 2013 at 9:35 pm

            Ahhh, Sheriji, I need to amend what I said before. I can really feel a connection with you – our blog interactions are your hug to me. And I do enjoy that hug, that closeness, that sharing of thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

            • March 16, 2013 at 11:21 pm

              Me, too; and I’m very glad.
              I’ve considered a few times to stop blogging, but you’re one of the people I would miss, so I “soldier on,” so to speak.

              Thank you for reading, and commenting!

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