08
Sep
11

those darn Canadians

Husband’s Canadian, and was trying to remember a joke about Washington D.C. and Newfoundland in some kind of political/military conflict, and Newfoundland deciding not to invade because they didn’t have any place to put 200 million prisoners.

I decided to try to find the joke, thinking that nowadays anyone can find anything on the “internets,” but to no avail.

I did find a pretty funny page of Canadian jokes, though, here, (if you want to see all of them) including a list of top ten reasons to live in the various provinces. I’ll excerpt my favorites (meaning, the ones I get despite the fact that I’m NOT Canadian).

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown.
6. The university has a nude beach.
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash.
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when
   you cut someone off

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You (think you) live in the center of the universe
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists
   to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war...by a
   moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered
    Canada's most beautiful city

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. The poorest, drunkest province in Confederation
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the
   solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to
   kick their ass

And one more:
What do you call the premier of Nova Scotia?
The Bossanova.
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3 Responses to “those darn Canadians”


  1. 1 Boston Margy
    September 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Oh, this is hysterical! I grew up in Buffalo, NY, which is on the border with Ontario. I spent as much time in Canada as I did in the US when I was a kid.

  2. 2 Alicia
    September 9, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    You forgot one province…..


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