Two New Pet Peeves

This is the strangest toothbrush I have ever tried to use.

My mouth just doesn’t understand. And those weird rubber nubby things that are supposed to be for scouring all of those nasty little germies off of your tongue scrape painfully against my lips and cheeks. I’ve never understood those anyway — is there some kind of dental etiquette that prevents one from brushing off one’s tongue with the brush?

And while we all may hate facial tissues that have been saturated with that greasy substance they call “lotion,” I have made a recent discovery. Puffs Ultra.

Thick and soft like a downy cloud, but they leave what I call tissue-poop all over nose.

I know I probably sound like everybody’s grandmother, but does everything have to be so complicated? Simple Puffs (because another thing everybody knows is that Puffs are softer than Kleenex), a basic toothbrush, socks that stay up, pot scrubbers that don’t fall apart on the 5th use.

Is that too much to ask?

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