from I Feel Bad About My Neck, by Nora Ephron; (with omissions, with which I do not agree)
People have only one way to be.
Buy, don’t rent.
Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.
Don’t buy anything that is 100 percent wool even if it seems to be very soft and not particularly itchy when you try it on in the store.
You can’t be friends with people who call after 11 p.m.
The world’s greatest babysitter burns out after two and a half years.
You never know.
The last four years of psychoanalysis are a waste of money. (HA!!!)
The plane is not going to crash.
Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-five.
Write everything down.
The empty nest is underrated.
You can order more than one dessert.
You can’t own too many black turtleneck sweaters (or too many black sweaters of any type).
If the shoe doesn’t fit in the shoe store, it’s never going to fit.
When you’re children are teenagers it’s important to have a dog (or a husband who loves you) so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Back up your files.
Overinsure everything.
Whenever someone says the words “Our friendship is more important than this,” watch out, because it almost never is.
The minute you decide to get divorced, go see a lawyer and file the peprs.
Overtip.
Never let them know.
If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, you’re ahead of the game.
There are no secrets.
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