what’s wrong with this picture?

Photoshop gone bad? Or a cardboard cutout? You decide.

 

amazon recommends

 

Is that weird? Or is it just me?

(pun intended)

I’m not making this up

From my latest knitting magazine.

 

You can’t convince me that these people didn’t know exactly what they were doing.

 

I guess it’s okay, as long as it’s only partially

All I want to do is shake the hand of the person who wrote this caption.

 

little help?

Maybe it’s the limitations of my non-mathematical mind (I am “only” a musician, after all), but does the logic of this reveal itself to anyone out there?

Husband claims there’s some kind of complementary arrangement, as in, all of the days are covered. I think that the whole thing was created by some kind of a calendar-disabled sadist (a.k.a. administration). But maybe it’s just me.

My Letter to Calvin Klein

Dear Calvin-

Can I call you Calvin? It seems that I know you, and you are always smiling in such a kind and generous way, with that flowing mane of white hair. Oh, wait. I think that’s Ralph Lauren. I’m not even sure I know what you look like. Hmmm. Awkward. . .

Well. You make beautiful clothes. I especially love your casual Tshirts and more dressy items like your jersey knit shells, tanks, and dressy shrugs. (Frankly I haven’t tried on a pair of your jeans since college, because they fit me then, and, well, you know.) Where was I? Oh, yes. The tops — the knits are so soft and drapey, the fit is always just right, the colors so richly hued and seem to hold their color through washing after washing.

But there is one problem, Calvin, dear.

The tags.

The tags in your shirts seem to be made of Kevlar. They are stiff, and scratchy, and seem to be attached to the garment with some kind of industrial-strength steel thread.

Victoria’s Secret has solved this problem; American Rag has solved this problem; for crying out loud, Hanes has solved this problem.

It’s called a stamp. Or, perhaps, you could use a fabric as soft as that of the garment. Or maybe, if the tag means so much to you, you could wear it.

Augh! Something’s scratchy!

Just a suggestion.

Meanwhile, perhaps you could recommend a salve for this rash I now have on the back of my neck? I’d really appreciate it.

what is this man thinking?

a) That’s funny — they fit me 16 years ago.

b) I can’t feel my _ _ _ _ _

c) C a n ‘ t .  .   .    .     .      .       b    r     e       a         t          h           e   .      .        .          .         😵

this week in advertising

Ugliest. Bathing. Suit. Ever. Just sayin’.

 

Didn’t get it then; don’t get it now.

This one says it all.

Rofl!

 

 

This week on NPR

Heard all kinds of Russians talking about the dangers of “homosexual propaganda.” (Really? “Allowing” gay parents to raise children will result in the children being gay? So where did the “original” gays come from? Some Adam and Adam from 4,000 years ago, and they’re all actually not-even-genetically related, but apparently raised by the ancestrally-the-same-apparently-not-secretly-enough gay parents? It makes so little sense I can’t even seem to write a coherent sentence trying to explain it.)

In a story about Yahoo’s new directive that no one can work from home (I bet this went over like a lead balloon — so much for the 21st century/technological/telecommuting revolution we were all hoping for), Melissa Mayer was described as one of the leaders in “Silicone Valley” (I’m sure this was merely a simple Freudian slip mispronunciation.)

Read about Seth McFarlane being sexist/misogynist/inappropriate as the M.C. of the Oscars.

0 for 3 so far, although the weather prediction was spot on.

 

 

Pretension, 2013

As opposed to from where every other winery procures its “winegrapes.”

(Autocorrect just tried to change “winegrapes” to “winger apes.” Yet another clue to the word’s ridiculousness.)

Happy New Year!!!